Mercy

An American mother’s prayer in The Age of Abandonment.

God, grant me the strength to be unyielding.

So that my children may be soft enough to rest; to yield their labor without loss.

Let them know the safety of gentleness, not just the necessity of strength.

Make me a shield, though my body is weary.

Make me a refuge, though I long to rest.

Let me stand so my children may kneel in peace.

You say the meek will inherit the earth.

Allow me to boldly stand,

So my children won’t have to beg for their birthright.

Let me bear the weight, so our daughters need never break.

Let me stand vigil, so cruelty does not teach our sons to strike first.

Let me break cycles, so they might be spared the weight of chains.

If I must fight, let it be for light and love and good.

If I must speak, let my words find hearts that feel.

If I must lead, let it be toward justice, not power.

And when the meek have risen,

When my children no longer need my protection,

When the world is safe enough for them to rest —

Let me rest, too.

We’ve been abandoned.

Left behind. Shoved aside. Left to die.

Our sisters in Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas are dying.

Mothers are dying and the country is looking away.

I worry when I look at the news.

Every day, I worry.

I worry about the future of my children.

I worry because I am already exhausted,

And I don’t know how much endurance I have left.

And then I think, well, it doesn’t matter if I’m tired, scared, worried.

Because I have to do it anyway.

Because I must, for my children.

Our government has made itself clear: it will not help women.

Let alone mothers.

Let alone children.

They would rather regulate our bodies than acknowledge that we are whole people with needs, let alone rights.

Corporate America has made its choice, too.

Because if motherhood is something they cannot monetize, at least not in a way that shows return on investment for the stakeholders —

Then of course our work is devalued.

Motherhood cannot be measured simply.

It cannot be put on a chart, assigned a KPI, or plotted to show ROI.

So it is treated as worthless. Worse even, costly, and therefore supporting us defies the laws of capitalism.

And churches led by men —

Men that claw for power within the government —

Men who have shown they will only approve of mothers when we remain beneath them. Men who have twisted morality into currency. Trading faith for self-serving power.

So I found myself thinking.

Because they have not helped mothers.

Because they will not help mothers.

If the government is corrupt,

If corporations are corrupt,

If the church leaders are corrupt —

Who do I appeal to?

And the answer came back: God.

And I laughed, because for years, all we’ve been offered are hollow thoughts and prayers. And now I find myself praying in earnest —

God, give me the strength to help myself.

For my children. For what is coming.

Because for this generation of mothers, no one is coming.

We will have to stand on our own.

So our daughters don’t have to live this cycle.

So our sons might be better men.

There is no community.

There is no cavalry.

We’ve been left utterly alone, to hold it all together, while creating and raising the next generation —

And I pray that we don’t fail our children the way our country has failed us.

So please, God — give us your strength and show us your mercy. Don’t abandon us too.